How to help your child give up the pacifier

At a glance

• Ask your child's doctor or dentist about the right time to give up the pacifier.
• A gentle first step: the pacifier only at sleep times, not during the day.
• Decide on a "goodbye day" together and count the sleeps until then.
• Offer a new comfort, such as a cuddly toy, and a few evenings of extra cuddles.
• Once the pacifier has gone, don't bring it back. A few harder nights are normal.

When should my child stop using a pacifier?

The right time to give up the pacifier varies from child to child, so it's worth asking your child's doctor or dentist, especially if you have questions about teeth or speech.

Many professionals suggest phasing the pacifier out gradually during the early years, before long-term use starts to affect teeth and speech. But there's no magic date that suits every child.

The circumstances matter more than the calendar. A good moment is a calm stretch with no other big changes. Try not to give up the pacifier in the same month as:

• starting nursery or kindergarten;
• a new baby arriving;
• moving house;
• potty training.

Each of these asks a lot of a young child. When they all come at once, the pacifier is exactly what they reach for to feel calm.

Gradual or all at once?

Giving up the pacifier can work either way, gradually or all at once, and sticking with your choice matters more than which method you pick.

Gradually means cutting down pacifier times first. For example:

1. The pacifier is kept for sleep and very hard moments only.
2. Then just for sleep.
3. Then only for falling asleep, and you take it out once they're asleep.
4. Then comes goodbye day.

All at once means you choose a day, and from that day the pacifier is gone. It's quicker, but the first nights can be harder.

Many families combine the two: they cut down to sleep times first, then have a clear goodbye. Choose what suits your child and your family's rhythm. Then stick to the plan.

How do we say goodbye to the pacifier?

Saying goodbye to the pacifier goes best when your child is involved: they choose the day, choose how to say goodbye, and hear the truth about what's happening.

A few ideas many families use:

• A calendar. Mark goodbye day and cross off a day each morning.
• A ritual. Your child puts the pacifiers in a box and gives them away, or puts them somewhere they won't come back from, in whatever way suits your family.
• A swap. The pacifier goes, and a new cuddly toy or book you chose together takes its place.
• A story. A story where a child says goodbye to their pacifier helps them picture the steps.

Be honest. Stories like "it got lost" or "the dog took it" can feel easier, but your child senses they had no say, and it can make them more unsettled. Say it plainly: "Today is goodbye day. You chose it. The pacifier is going and it won't come back."

How do I help my child sleep without the pacifier?

To sleep without the pacifier, your child needs a new comfort and a warm, predictable bedtime routine.

• A new comfort object. A small pillow, a cuddly toy or a blanket to hold. Bring it in a few days before goodbye day.
• More time at bedtime. A few evenings with an extra story, longer cuddles and a song.
• The same routine. Bath, pyjamas, story, lights out. Familiar steps tell the body that sleep is coming.
• Your presence. For the first few evenings, stay with them a little longer. It's not a bad habit, it's temporary support.
• Morning praise. "You slept without your pacifier! How grown-up!" Morning is the perfect time for encouragement.

Expect a few harder nights. Your child may take longer to fall asleep or wake more often. Things usually settle after a few days.

What if my child asks for the pacifier?

When your child asks for the pacifier after goodbye day, acknowledge that they miss it, gently remind them what you decided together, and offer the new comfort.

It's normal for them to ask. The pacifier has been their friend from the start. You could say: "I know, you miss your pacifier. You said goodbye to it. Let's give teddy a cuddle."

Don't bring it back after a hard night. At 3 a.m., when everyone is exhausted, it's really hard to hold out. But if the pacifier comes back, your child learns that crying brings it back, and the next attempt will be longer and harder.

Don't scold or shame them for asking. Missing the pacifier isn't bad behaviour; it's a feeling that needs help.

Step by step

1. Talk to your child's doctor or dentist if you're unsure about timing.
2. Pick a calm period with no other big changes.
3. Cut down gradually to sleep times only.
4. Bring in a new comfort object a few days ahead.
5. Decide on goodbye day together and mark it on a calendar.
6. Read a story about giving up the pacifier and talk about what's coming.
7. On the day, do the goodbye ritual your child chose.
8. Keep the bedtime routine and stay close for the first few evenings.
9. Praise them every morning.
10. Don't bring the pacifier back.

By age

• Ages 1–3: cut down to sleep times first, offer a new comfort object, and choose a calm moment with no other changes.
• Ages 4–5: plan a goodbye ritual together, read the story, and be honest about what happens to the pacifier.
• Ages 6–8: it's less common for a child this age to still use a pacifier. If they do, talk to the dentist or doctor and try to find out what worry sits behind the need for it.

Words that help and words to skip

• Try: "You get to choose goodbye day."

• Try: "I know you miss it. That's okay."

• Try: "You slept without your pacifier. I'm proud of you!"

• Skip: "Only babies have pacifiers."

• Skip: "The pacifier got lost." (if it didn't)

• Skip: "Fine, just once, just tonight."

Common mistakes

• Shaming: "Only babies have pacifiers." Your child feels small and helpless, not braver.
• Giving the pacifier back after a hard night. It makes the next attempt harder.
• Giving up the pacifier at the same time as potty training, a new sibling or starting nursery.
• Taking it away without warning, so your child doesn't know what's coming.

When to talk to a doctor or psychologist

Ask your child's dentist or doctor if you're unsure about timing, or if you have questions about teeth or speech.