How to get your child ready for kindergarten and help them settle in

At a glance

• Visit the kindergarten before the first day: the walk there, the building, the room, the teacher.
• A short goodbye ritual, the same every day, and never slip away.
• Tell your child when you'll be back in words they understand: "after nap time", "after snack".
• Practise at home how to ask for help, join a game, eat at the table and rest.
• Tears in the first weeks are normal, and so is a "second wave" once the novelty wears off.

How long does it take a child to settle into kindergarten?

Settling into kindergarten usually takes a few weeks, but the pace varies a lot from child to child. Some children walk in smiling on day one and only start crying a month later. Others cry at the door at first and calm down a few minutes after their parent leaves.

Both are ordinary. Many children go through a "second wave": the first days are easy because everything is new and exciting, then, once the novelty wears off, the tears arrive. It doesn't mean settling in has failed; it means your child now understands that kindergarten is part of their life.

It helps to ask the teachers how your child seems during the day. Very often, the child who cries at the door is playing happily a little while later.

How do I prepare my child before the first day?

Getting a child ready for kindergarten starts with familiarity: the better they know the place, the route and the people, the smaller the first-day nerves. Walk past the kindergarten on outings, visit if you can, meet the teacher and look at pictures of the room and playground.

Talk through what happens there, one step at a time: arriving, playing, eating, resting, going home. A story in which your child goes through the same day helps them picture what's coming.

If you have a choice, try not to start kindergarten at the same time as another big change, such as a move, giving up the dummy or a new baby. One change at a time is easier to carry.

How should I say goodbye at drop-off?

Goodbyes at kindergarten drop-off work best when they're short, warm and the same every day. For example: a hug, a special wave just for the two of you, and the same sentence: "I love you. I'll be back after afternoon snack." Then leave.

Never slip away, even if it seems easier in the moment. A child who discovers you've vanished without saying goodbye learns to keep an eye on you all the time, and goodbyes get harder. Say it, mean it, leave.

Try not to come back once you've said goodbye. Every return starts the separation all over again. If you feel emotional, that's normal; you can let it out once you've gone.

Who can my child ask for help?

Children feel safer at kindergarten when they know the grown-ups there by name and have one simple sentence ready to ask for help. Tell your child the teacher's name and the names of the other adults in the group, and look at photos if the kindergarten shares them.

Practise at home: "I need help, please." Play kindergarten together: you're the teacher, and they ask you for water, help in the toilet or a cuddle. A child who knows who to turn to settles more quickly.

How can I help my child make friends?

Friendships at kindergarten build slowly, and children make friends more easily when they know a few simple ways to join a game. Practise phrases at home such as "Can I play too?" or "Shall we build together?".

Tell them it's fine to watch from the side first and join in later. Many children need a few days just to watch. Friendships can start both indoors and out in the playground.

At home, ask who they played with and what they did. If it suits you both, a playdate with a classmate outside kindergarten can help a friendship along.

What if my child will not eat or rest at kindergarten?

If your child won't eat or sleep at kindergarten at first, that's common during the settling-in period, and pressure usually makes things harder, not easier. Practise the basics at home: sitting at the table, using a spoon or fork, asking for water or a bit more.

Tell the staff about any allergies and food needs, and follow your child's doctor's advice. Ask how mealtimes work there and what you can do at home to keep things similar.

For rest time, describe what happens beforehand: the curtains are drawn, everyone has their own bed, it's quiet. If the kindergarten allows it, a comfort item from home can help. Tell your child it's fine just to rest quietly, even if they don't fall asleep.

How do I explain who comes to pick them up?

Children settle more easily at kindergarten when they know clearly who's coming to collect them and when, put in terms of the day's routine rather than clock times. For example: "Today Grandma's coming, after snack." A young child doesn't understand "at four o'clock", but they do understand "after nap".

Only promise what you can keep. In the first weeks, try hard to be on time: being late can shake the trust they're just building. If something changes, tell them in the morning, not at the door.

Be ready for harder evenings too. Many children hold it together all day at kindergarten and let their feelings out at home, with the parent they trust most. Offer calm, something to eat and time together, rather than lots of questions.

Step by step

1. Visit the kindergarten, walk past it and meet the teacher before the first day.
2. Read or tell a story about a day at kindergarten, step by step.
3. Choose your goodbye ritual and practise it at home.
4. Say the grown-ups' names together and practise "I need help, please."
5. Play "Can I play too?".
6. Practise eating at the table and having a rest.
7. Decide who's picking them up and tell them in terms of the day's routine.
8. At drop-off: the ritual, the sentence, then leave. No coming back.
9. At home: calm, a snack, then questions about play, not about sadness.
10. Follow the kindergarten's settling-in plan and talk with the teachers often.

By age

• 1–3 years: very short goodbyes, a comfort object from home and, where possible, the same grown-up doing drop-off each morning.
• 4–5 years: talk about friends and activities, one worry at a time, and practise the phrases for joining in and asking for help.
• 6–8 years: let them help pack their bag and plan the day; for children moving up to the oldest group or towards school, talk about what stays the same and what's new.

Words that help and words to skip

• Try: "I'll be back after nap time."

• Try: "If you need anything, you can ask your teacher."

• Try: "Who did you play with today?"

• Try: "It's okay to miss me. I miss you too."

• Skip: "Were you sad today?", asked every day.

• Skip: "I'll be right back", when it isn't true.

• Skip: "Stop crying, the others will laugh at you."

• Skip: "If you're not good, I'll leave you here."

Common mistakes

• Slipping away to avoid tears.
• Coming back several times after saying goodbye.
• Asking "Were you sad?" every day instead of "What did you play?".
• Promising a pick-up time you can't make.
• Starting kindergarten at the same time as another big change.

When to talk to a doctor or psychologist

Tears at drop-off for several weeks are normal. If the distress stays strong after about two months, or your child stops eating, sleeping or playing as usual, talk to the teachers and to your child's doctor or a child psychologist.